Her

So I just went to go see Spike Jonze’s Her. Loved his other three films he did (yes, including Where the Wild Things Are), and yet again he blew my mind and made me think. Heavy spoilers commeth.

If you haven’t seen the movie, get your ass out there and go see it. You won’t look at our technology and social media in the same way. If you’ve got no intention to see it, just know that it’s about a guy that falls in love with his operating system (OS 1) named Samantha in the near future.

But it’s about so much more than that. The entire time I was swinging back and forth on this pendulum. On the one hand, it was weird, but I was completely ok with the fact that he was in love with the OS 1 (who wouldn’t be, it’s Scarlet Johansen’s voice). They made it work for their love. On the other, I thought to myself What the hell is wrong with this man? How can that be a substitute for love? This of course was the entire point of the movie.

First of all, this wasn’t ground breaking in terms of having technology with emotion.

Star Wars: C-3PO and R2-D2

Flubber: Weebo

Iron Man: JARVIS

Bicentennial Man: The Bicentennial Man

So, let’s pretend for a moment that I’m all about their love. Bicentennial Man might have been the closest with this concept. It was extremely progressive. Hundreds of years ago, a Catholic had to marry another Catholic. 100 years ago, it was unheard of for white to marry black. Only over the past decade has it become commonplace for gays to marry. Perhaps three-way marriages, or to put it way out there, marriages to chimpanzees that become intelligent could happen in the next 100 years. This idea of love between two beings is yet another example of what seemed ridiculous at one point. I would never want to be in love with an operating system, but I wouldn’t be in a position to judge someone who would.

Who is to tell them they can’t be in love? If they are in love with one another, that’s a beautiful thing. Samantha makes Theodore feel happier than he’s been in a long time. This is easily a message of marriage equality without bashing us on the head with it. Sorry Glee, I still love you.

 Obviously this changes throughout the film, as Samantha exponentially grows and talks to other computers and humans. This brings me to the other hand.

I see how they can love, but it would not be enough for me. Part of what makes us human is our five senses. Even though many humans have less than those five based on birth or various injuries/medical conditions, it is something written into the code of our DNA. Yes, Samantha can see, hear, and arguably physically feel in that crazy effed up but beautiful sex scene. But from a human standpoint, it would not be enough for me.

Physical intimacy is such a huge part of human connection. Among strangers, a handshake, a fist-pump, a high-five, or even bumping into someone makes you feel alive. Among friends and family, hugging, sitting on laps, cradling makes you feel alive. Among lovers (or anything up to that point), there’s of course all the fun pervy details, but there’s so much more than that. There is the feeling of your finger tips touching someone else’s, running your hands through someone’s hair, resting your head on his or her shoulder, feeling the heat of that person’s mouth move back and forth between you as you kiss. Feet to feet, toes to toes, mouth to shoulder, hand to knee, cheek to cheek, knuckles to palm, tongue to ear, fingertips to tiny arm hairs. And the most important feeling of all, linking physical and emotional, is resting your hand or head on someone’s chest, and feeling and hearing that person’s heartbeat. This is only one layer of why for me, this kind of relationship would not work.

Beyond that all the every day parts of our being that can be taken for granted. Yes, Samantha could still “hang out” with his friends in a social setting. But she couldn’t get drunk with them. She couldn’t dance, play football, have a food fight, hug, arm wrestle, ice skate, surf, swim, go running, hiking, get a fresh haircut, get muddy. She couldn’t smell a fireplace in the winter, a gingerbread house, summer rain, freshly cut grass, your mom baking cookies. She couldn’t taste a shitty beer at a kegger or a box of Franzia, or candy at Halloween, or feel snow on her tongue. I now realize that these are also simplicities of life that I can not take for granted. Because in many ways, Samantha is a symbol for those whom are restricted in their senses and mobility in today’s society.

As soon as the movie was over, my gut reaction was to turn my iPhone back on. But I hesitated. I knew what was sitting on there. Plans about my trip to Philly this weekend, some updated Facebook newsfeed, nothing I couldn’t wait for. So I walked out of the theater and opened my senses a bit more. I felt the carpet beneath my feet, smelled the popcorn, shared my thoughts with another guy that had gone by himself, relieved myself (I would have felt that either way; I downed the Coke Zero way too quickly), walked outside and really felt the winter air. Looked at the ice and slid playfully across it on the way to my car. And I loved each bit of that five minutes.